


If You Ever Loved Me

by TardisTexan



Category: Doctor Who, Doctor Who (2005)
Genre: F/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2014-04-02
Updated: 2014-04-02
Packaged: 2018-01-17 21:02:20
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 665
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/1402339
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/TardisTexan/pseuds/TardisTexan
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>A short fix it to the River/Doctor goodbye in Name of the Doctor</p>
            </blockquote>





	If You Ever Loved Me

If you ever loved me.... Five little words. Five words that wouldn't stop playing over and over in his head. Not that he didn't replay the whole scene over and over, but those five words kept sticking in his mind. Those five words and the catch in her voice that tore him to shreds... If you ever loved me.....

Of course he loved her. Hadn't he told her, over and over again? But he knew why she had said that. He remembered every word she had said.

Left me like a book on a shelf.

Why didn't you speak to me?

200 years without a word would make even River Song doubt. She had been there, been there every moment since he woke up from his grief after Darillium. And part of that time she had really been with him, had really been in the TARDIS speaking to him. But there had been many reasons he hadn't spoken to her, hadn't gone back and called her up from the Library data core. Why couldn't he remember any of them now? 

And then when he had finally found the courage to say goodbye, he had really mucked it up. But he had an excuse, didn't he? He was standing inside of his own tomb. And Clara had just thrown herself into his time stream. Two minutes and thirty seconds. Two minutes and thirty seconds was all the time he took to say goodbye. At least the first time he had as long as she would stay after the Singing Towers. After two centuries, two minutes was all he gave her, and a “Don't wait up.”

The Doctor picked up the wrench he had been using and threw it against the wall in anger. She deserved so much better than that. He needed to give her a proper goodbye. He took a chance. The Doctor inhaled a deep breath and raised his voice, “River Song? Melody Pond? Are you still here?”

“Well of course I am, Sweetie. That goodbye was rubbish.”

She appeared a few feet from him and he rushed over to take her in his arms. “I'm so sorry, so so sorry,” he wept into her hair. They sank to the floor and held each other for long moments, just crying with each other. Shedding the tears they had both held back for so long. When the sobbing had calmed, the Doctor tried his voice. “River, you were really here? All those times.. you were really here?”

River told him how she had and Vastra had worked out the conference call. “I learned to conference with the TARDIS, so yes, I was here with you. Sweetie, Vastra told me how long you mourned, how sharp your grief was. Even though it hurt me so much to believe that you couldn't see me or hear me, I understand.”

“I don't want your understanding. I deserve your punishment.” He took a breath, holding her face in his hands like had before, “But I beg your forgiveness. River, I love you more than I can express. Please don't doubt that.” He kissed her, a long slow kiss. “Will you stay with me? I need to show you, my love, my Darling River. Let me show you.”

River stood and offered him her hand. He took it and led her to their bedroom. They made love over and over, the Doctor worshiping his goddess, his River. He was only able to sleep in the last 200 years when she held him, and so now as he fell asleep, she whispered to him, “You are forgiven. Always and completely forgiven.”

When he awoke, she was gone, and he knew she was gone forever. The Library would hold the data ghost of River Song no more. He was sad, but he felt at peace. He felt her absence acutely, just like he always had, but he felt that she was also finally at peace and that's all he could ask for.


End file.
